the volcano waits,
dormant, it wants to hold back.
it just might explode.


bitterness anger jealousy
in a grammatical sense those words don't belong together but they aptly describe my emotions that are being toyed with but its no ones fault really because who am I to blame another for uncertainty but still its like water boarding and all i want to do is talk chat get some coffee i don't know and I don't care just spending time is all but i can't cross that line I can't interfere with what you want to do. i want to yell "just let me have her!" and be done with this waiting game but her intentions are pure. when i compare myself to him i feel like i have nothing to offer, yet I feel like I have something to offer the world, but in my thought life she is my world. thought about that line for awhile and its weird putting it down but whatever there is truth to it.

black black black black black
down down up up down up down
I assume the worst.

and its true whenever something doesn't go through like a phone call I think, oh, the person probably doesn't want to talk with me even though it's more likely they didn't hear the alert or their phone is in another room. i want to be furious but I can't so instead I fret and wait.
pray. that's what I need to do.